What brings pure happiness? The often sought-after question. I’ve done immense soul searching to come to my conclusion.
Many years ago whilst traveling France I was told I have a certain je ne sais quoi about me (pronounced “je na se qua”). To my intrigue I discovered this referred to an intangible quality that makes something distinctive or attractive. Fascinated and enlivened I was then on a search as to what state of being attracts someone to another. And I’m not talking physical or romantic attraction, but that pure magnetism that draws our attention to another.
Think about what type of person attracts your attention. When you walk down the street who catches your eye and you find yourself in subtle awe. How do they express their internal joy? I’ve always been attracted to someone smiling, being their true self, not caring what others think of them, being free and not conforming. I always put this down to simply being unique and optimistic, but I came to realise it’s more than this. I’ve come to believe there’s a deeper quality that resides within this.
This deeper quality of happiness is self-worth, and I’ve broken self-worth into three components: self-love / self-care / self-expression.
I believe we are purely happy when we love ourselves unconditionally, value and respect our body, and express our most positive self. It is when we do this that we live in three core states of being: independent contentment, radiant health and authentic uniqueness. When someone’s being independently content, radiantly healthy and authentically unique – they shine pure happiness and are a magnet of attraction!
To be independently content is to love ourselves unconditionally. How often do you worry about what people think of you, being self-conscious of either how you look, sound or act?
I remember my first wake-up call (actually more like a slap in the face) - Year 8, whole school fire drill on the back field. A friend says to me, “Let’s lay down and watch the clouds”. I respond, concerned, “But people are gonna look at us”. She stops, looks me in the eyes and bluntly asks, “Why do you care?”. Boom. Speechless. Why do I care?! Laying on the grass that day was one the most freeing moments of my life. And since then, I genuinely haven’t given a shit about other people’s judgements of me.
Too many people lack contentment within themselves and in their own company. I see this when people rely on external validation for their worth. Do you rely on someone else to feel happy? Do you seek external compliments or attention to feel good about yourself?
It’s not a coincidence that ‘health and happiness’ are phrased so commonly together. When we’re healthy we not only feel good but we radiant happiness to those around us.
When you consider your holistic health (mental, emotional, spiritual and physical) where do you currently sit? In what area/s are you neglecting?
Health comes down to priority. I hear too many people say (and use the excuse of) “I don’t have time”. The fact is we all do have time it’s just a matter of what we choose to prioritise on a day-to-day basis. What do you schedule in your weekly calendar, how do you fill your days? To be radiantly healthy think what you need to prioritise to see (and feel) change.
There exists an all-too-common desire to ‘fit in’. This perceived acceptance leads to conformity and subsequently lack of uniqueness in the world.
Every day I see too many people being ‘fake’. They’re deprived of authenticity in their yearning and aim to be accepted. I don’t know about you but I feel a lack of ‘realness’ in our society; that authenticity of pure self-expression. People are strategically acting in ways based on what their surroundings tell them they should be doing (with the most obvious example being the media’s portrayal of beauty – but don’t get me started down that path, that’s a whole other conversation!).
Reflecting upon your own self-expression, do you conform to the norm or make your own path and shine a unique light? And the way in which you express yourself is it with pure authenticity or covered with societal messages of manipulation?
Next time you’re walking down the street be aware of who you’re being, what state of being you’re in. Right now, are you being independently content, radiantly healthy and authentically unique? Are you experiencing pure happiness with yourself – loving, nurturing and expressing your most positive self? ARE YOU SHINING YOUR 'JE NE SAIS QUOI'?
Jenna Claire Fletcher is the founder of FLO Girls and The FLO Movement. We are very happy to have her as a contributor to The Happiness Compass as we both strive to build strong and robust communities for health and happiness.